Perhaps you remember the stars? Those dots in the sky.
They shine like magic drops atop the wings of fireflies. Illuminating everything but not asking for anything. Because so is their nature. They only 'borrow', they do not 'take' more than they can return.
Remember when you wanted to reach out for the stars? But you didn't. Because you were afraid of following a few displaced pebbles down into a jagged life where people believe pain is never-ending.
You saw a single face characterized by deep sincerity every day; you knew they had hurled themselves off the same cliff and the jagged edges had gashed their hearts. They scared you. You backed down a few steps. But the stars still shone every evening and you wondered why they had rushed forth so soon. So you came out in the evening; just in time to see the stars dance a jig as they would jump to the sky and take over the world.
And you stayed out for a while every evening. Watching the sky as it turned eyes from baby blue to cerulean to cobalt to black. Cautious of shutting your own, just before the morning came; with wreaths of mist grappling the stars and making them look so portentously gloomy. As their light battled to seep out of the fine films. And as they exhibited valor for all the wrong purposes.
But suddenly, one evening they enchanted you too long and lured you into loving their sadistic ways as well. Not giving in to the films of fog before the wake of the morning Sun. And you wondered why they were so insistent, so obstinate when you loved them all the same every evening when the sun set. But you mistook their jealousy as love; you mistook their self-love as love for yourself.
That morning you sat, before the Sun had completely appeared; your face lightened by the dim light. Halos of serenity surrounded your beloveds; the stars. You gaped at them in silence and they too answered your silence. You thought you would never share conversations with anyone that were better than the silence you shared with them.
Perhaps you had forgotten they had always been silent. For everyone.
As the Sun finally rose that day; the sky became a palate of light pink and pastel oranges.The essence of deciphered silence still suspended in the air around you with no signs of ambiguity. You sat still. Unknown to the world. Holding every breath. As if every breath; your every relation with the other entities of the world would strain your relations with the stars. You did not go back so that you could come back next evening.You stayed out till the evening because nothing about the stars scared you anymore. And at sun set you met them again.
And every day at sun set you met them again. And every day at sun rise you bid them good bye. Unmoving, unnatural for the rest of the world. Losing yourself in a million halcyon dreams.
Remember when you dared to finally lunge out for the stars in the sky? For you could not bear to bid them goodbye another morning. Remeber clawing at the skies with splintering fingers? Remember tearing the clouds from the bleeding sky? Remember trying so hard to save the stars from another setting?
Remember falling into an abyss of irrationality? Remember the bottomless chasm that you called love? Like every fall, it had a jagged and brutal end as well. And when the jagged edges gashed your heart, you looked up at the stars hoping to find them pouring down their light and draining themselves. To fill you, to heal you and to let you know that they had hurt all the same as you.
Instead, they were still shining like those magic drops atop the wings of fireflies.
Remember when he shone like the stars for you? Remember 'him' now?
*for Nabiha because I missed her birthday. >_> I'm a terrible person and it keeps me up at night.
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