Finding a jasmine

Finding someone you can trust is hard. Like finding a jasmine in a sea of creamy pink Magnolias. Except it is harder. Because this sea of Magnolias exists in your head; as a thousand halcyon days that you would like to relive. Its not easy to get a move on and start searching for that jasmine all over again. Specially when you stood inhaling the scent of a false one for so long that your feet start feeling numb. 

 When you wouldve looked around this time; trying to get a hold on your whereabouts, you would be surrounded by those same Magnolias. The same pink flowers that felt like a pleasant surprise from God during a spring in your life now feel like a curse. And this time, the jasmine is no where to be found. What makes things even worse is that you lose all hope of ever finding one like it. 

 But life is a maze itself and every person out there a mystery in him or herself, no matter how much you think you know them. And trusting people is hard but we do it anyways, creating a garden of Magnolias for ourselves. Sometimes finding the one, sometimes the (false)one, sometimes only celebrating Magnolias and sometimes weeding them out to give new flowers a chance to thrive. We like to fool ourselves and live in illusions. We want to shut our eyes and feel the wind against our face even when we know we can't fly. And so we spend time calculating the days and the dates, giving each one the best of ourselves and even better reputations. 

 You become so indulgent in sorting out the Magnolias; the memories, that you forget you even live in a present and need more substantial means to keep you alive. And when a white jasmine pokes its tiny head through the densely lined ground, it goes by unnoticed. We have usually already made our minds to live off the Magnolias by then, as if celebrating them would stop them from ageing. We have already given up the search for that jasmine. 

 A very good friend of mine, not too long ago turned me against her because of her outspokenness. My abnormal hypersensitivity meant that there was no way I would ever be talking to her again. However, she apologized to me in the most wonderful way when we met later, saying "I'm sorry if something I said offended you. I didn't know you were as delicate as a flower."  That made my day, unexpectedly. 

Nothing changed too drastically after that since I was busy grieving over the loss of a false jasmine, gathering Magnolias and holding on to every stalk as if my life depended on it. When I finally let go however, I was as lost as anyone and my toes were still tingling; reminding me of the numbness.

 That's when I made time for that girl again. And now, that we are so close, I often find myself musing at the thought of how she happens to be a jasmine for me.    

She taught me how every life is important and every search; profound. If you don't find the false jasmine, then you probably only have to try one more time to find the real one.